Hmmm… it;s late. Looking at the time, it’s 16 minutes until Sunday. I’ll admit I had a big elaborate plan for another creative approach to making my picks this week, but… I’m just going to do them the old fashioned way and pick them outright.
Next week I’ll get back to the other thing.
Texans
Jaguars
Patriots
Giants
Steelers
Cardinals
Lions
Titans
Colts
Broncos
Niners
Packers
and on Monday… Dallas.
If you like that headline, you’re going to LOVE this website!
They claim to be the cure for writer’s block, or perhaps the solution to all of your uninspired birthday party theme ideas, or a great way to come up with a name for a fictional character or potted plant, irregardless. It is high-comedy.
Follow this link: http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/RandomParagraph/RandomParagraph.aspx
And be sure to plug in your name and “Ronald Reagan’s corpse” as your two subjects.
Come back and post your favorite result as a comment response to this post!
And remember: “Strange Ink launches Ronald Reagan’s Corpse opposite the sequel. The parade thirsts for the bias. The dentist prefers a humble night past the ballot. Does Ronald Reagan’s Corpse peer around the urgent abstract? Without the gender snacks its capitalist”
I’ll say!
At some point I’m going to establish some consistency with my formatting of this picks entry. It’s had a different name every week, the layout has been different and the picture structure keeps changing. Not really a big deal, but if you know me, you know I’m a stickler for rigid, disciplined, structured… structure.
So here’s what I did this week: I interpreted each of the teams as a comic book character. Very simple, yes? No. it was not. It was very, very hard in some cases. And for some of them, I downright just gave up and did something that seemed at least somewhat thematically appropriate.
Houston Texans (2-1) @ Atlanta Falcons (0-3)
New York Jets (1-2) @ Buffalo Bills (0-3)
Baltimore Ravens (2-1) @ Cleveland Browns (1-2)
This one was pretty easy. See, the RAVENS are RAVEN. Right? Easy as pie! And the BROWNS are WOLVERINE (in his brown suit). Wolverine over Raven.
St. Louis Rams (0-3) @ Dallas Cowboys (3-0)
To my knowledge there is only one ram-headed comic book character in comics and that is Quark. He was featured in the Nocenti/Adams “Longshot” (see Houston Texans) series that introduced the characters to the world way back in the late ’80’s. It’s a perfect marriage of character and team. Just like the Rawhide Kid with the Cowboys. He’s a homoerotic cowboy, they’re homoerotic cowboys… No way the Rams beat the homoerotic Cowboys IN Dallas.
Hey! A big orange “bear-like” guy as the Bears! I like it! And Lion-O for the Lions. Too easy! And yes, I realize that Lion-O is TECHNICALLY a cartoon character. Or at least that he WAS before he recently appeared in a series of comic books. Point to me. And that’s what the Lions are going to be saying when they go all “Sword of Omens” on the Bears this Sunday.
Oakland Raiders (1-2) @ Miami Dolphins (0-3)
I can never really figure out what they heck the Raiders logo guy is supposed to be. Is he a pirate? Is he a football player? I mean, “raider” isn’t really telling me much. And if you go by their fans, he might as well be Darth Vader or one of those wrestling guys with the spikes on their shoulders. So, I decided to go with a character that LOOKED like the logo: Nick Fury dressed in Raider colors. It’s a tough call for the win. In a straight fight, I think Aquaman would beat the sea-salt out of Fury. But if they were both able to call on all of the utilities at their disposal, I think I gotta go with Nick. One call to Shield and they would BOMB the fish right out of the water. Or Dolphin Stadium. Whatever.
Green Bay Packers (3-0) @ Minnesota Vikings (1-2)
Green Bay was a difficult choice. To my knowledge there are no superheroes who tout themselves as a Packer or Mover of any kind. I would have even settled for someone that was a mover in their secret identity. But, I wasn’t able to find any. So, and I realize it’s a stretch, I went with Iceman as an embodiment of the Frozen Tunda of Lambeau Field. However, this game isn’t being played at the Frozen Tundra of Mighty Lambeua Field. It’s indoors in Minnesota. Against the God of Thunder. Thor beats Iceman every time.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) @ Carolina Panthers (2-1)
I’ve been reading comics for a long time. Growing up I was a Marvel guy because everything DC sucked. I mean, it was all about the X-Men and Spiderman. No one I knew had ever even LOOKED through a Superman comic much less bought one. Ok, there was an occaisional Batman perusal, but that was usually because there was a really good artist who was about to get signed by Marvel anyway. My point is: I don’t know who the hell Deadman is or what he can do. I don’t think I’d ever even seen a picture of him until the Kingdom Come series came out and that was like ‘94 or something. Anyway, I picked Deadman for the Buccaneers because I thought he kinda looked like the skull on the flag in their logo. The Black Panther was an obvious choice. I’m giving the win to the Panther here… ’cause he’s a badass black panther. And not dead.
Seattle Seahawks (2-1) @ San Francisco Forty-Niners (2-1)
Archangel was pretty much the COOLEST character in the ’90’s other than Spiderman and Wolverine. The only thing that’s changed since then, now that I think of it, is that no one knows who Archangel is anymore. Dr. Fate gets the nod to be the Forty-Niners… because he has a gold helmet. And the prospectors in 1849 were looking for gold helmets. And it was FATE that led them to them. Seahawks win.
Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0) @ Arizona Cardinals (1-2)
Steel. Steelers. Steel. Steelers. Would you believe me if I said they made a movie out of this guy.? No really! I know, it’s weird, cause you’ve never heard of him and don’t know anything about him. But I swear to you they did! And it starred Shaquille O’Neal. Yes, THAT Shaquille O’Neal. The one that was in “Kazaam.” There’s no hero who would dare name himself something as wussy sounding as “Cardinal” so I went with the super-tough “Robin.” Techincally, it’s Red Robin from “Kingdom Come” so that does make it a little better. His costume was modeled more like Batman’s and less like green short shorts and elf shoes. Shaq-Movie beats Cardinal Man.
Denver Broncos (2-1) @ Indianapolis Colts (3-0)
What the hell are these horses doing here? I’ll tell you. They’re both here and being named Comet. One of them is Pre-Crisis Comet and the other is Post-Crisis Comet. I have neither the time nor the patience nor the understanding of Crisis to explain what the differences are to DC continuity all I can tell you is that one IS a horse and one just has some body parts OF a horse. And the one on the right looks like Payton Manning. Colts win.
Kansas City Chiefs (1-2) @ San Diego Chargers (1-2)
There’s only one Native American superhero in comics. Ok, there are two. One of them is pictured here: Warpath. And then other one is pictured below as the Redskins and that’s Thunderbird. I know, they look so totally like the same damn person. But hey, I don’t write the comics. I considered Captain Marvel, the Flash and Electro for the Chargers, they all seemed like natural choices, but in the end, I couldn’t pass on Black Lighting. I mean, c’mon, that picture even look a little like LT. The Pats fan in me wants to say Chiefs, but the football fan in me is pretty sure that the Chargers are going to get back on track with this game and LT is going to put up like 300 yeards mixed between passing, rushing and receiving. And like 4 td’s.
Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) @ New York Giants (1-2)
TECHNICALLY Hawk-God is pictured here. But he’s as good an eagle themed character as my limited attention span could come up with. Giant-Man was one of the more obvious choices. This battle goes to the Giants.
New England Patriots (3-0) @ Cincinnatti Bengals (1-2)
I considered Super-Patriot, Superman and all of the various and sundry patriotic themed characters out there (except Wonder Woman) but in the end Cap really fit the bill the best. The shield representing the Pats suffocating “D,” the fact that Brady could probably pass for Steve Rogers if they made a movie and the fact that Cap is pretty much my favorite comic book character (even though he is TECHNICALLY dead right now). And Tigra, (although I did consider TYGRA from the Thundercats) well… she’s a chick with tiger-stripes. Just like Carson Palmer. Pats take this one easily.
And the byes go to:
Well, I was away last week so we didn’t do picks, but trust me, I would have picked all the teams that won, so you didn’t really miss anything. Keep in mind that we aren’t gamblers here so all of these picks are straight up. No spreads are taken into consideration.
This week we’re going with an artsy theme. Enjoy!
Ravens are at home, but there seem to be a lot of questions about the QB situation. Cardinals are taking this one on the road.
Packers have been playing over their heads for the last two weeks. Chargers were EMBARRASSED last week by the Patriots. I’m pretty sure you’re going to see LT run, pass and recieve for the duration of the first 3 quarters. Chargers humble the Packers in Lambeau.
Rams are looking bad. Just plain bad. Buccaneers have looked the opposite of bad. Well, maybe not the EXACT opposite of bad, but good enough to take the Rams. Especially at home. And look at the buccaneer in the picture, he’s so confident!
I like these two pictures. The Niners pic features a great portrait of an old prospector or “Nineteen forty-niner” and the Steelers picture has a shot of a dude squeezing molten steel into I-Beams. What’s not to like? The Niners on the road against the Steelers that’s what. Steelers take this one to go 3-0.
Cats vs. birds, eh? Well, my money’s on the cats. Not that I’m gambling or anything. Like I said, this is an honest establishment. We’re merely here to talk about art and the circle of life. And how a lion could beat an eagle in a fight.
I think the dolphins need to change their mascot. I mean, a dolphin is, pardon my french, kind of pussy. When I was looking for pictures to use for this blog I couldn’t find a single picture of an angry dolphin. Or a tough looking dolphin. They need something that inspires a little more fear in the opposing team. Just like thier mascot, the team doesn’t put up much of a fight. While I don’t like the Jets in and of themselves, I like ‘em better than the Dolphins. Especially in New York. Or New Jersey. Or wherever they play.
I promise you it is just a coincidence that this image looks like the minuteman is about to put a bullet through the head of ol’ Billy the Buffalo Bill there. But seriously, do the Bills even have a SHOT at this game? The answer is “yes.” The Bills are an excellent football team over there. They are all professionals who are at the top of their game. They’re coming into this game prepared and ready to win. So the Patriots are making sure that they are prepared as well. They’ve got a lot of things that they need to work on to get better. They aren’t playing perfect football right now. They need to practice and they need to get better. So I’m picking the Pats to just barely eek this one out. In a squeaker.
Vikings are having quarterback issues… but man, that’s a pretty bad ass picture of a viking. I mean, that Chief is just sitting there and, that viking’s got a huge dragon behind him. He looks like he’s about to wreck some serious shit. I can’t in good concience say no to that Viking.
Wow. I’m sure the game is going to be more interesting than this image. ’cause this image is BORING. Buncha cows standin’ around. Buncha horses standin’ around. Texans are getting better, but the Colts are gonna roll ‘em.
I don’t really know that much about either of these teams. The best analysis I can give you is… I just have a feeling that the Seahawks are going to win this one. Plus, I always give an edge to the home team if I don’t know who to pick. Plus the Bengals have to travel. To Seattle.
Hmmm. I don’t know what that sploth of Rothko looks like on your monitor, but I swear to gawd it looks brown on mine. Is it supposed to be brown? I don’t know. But when I searched for brown, that’s what came up. Good enough for me. In the end, that Raider picture is BAD ASS. And the Raiders are at home. Bad Ass kicks the crap out of should-be-brown.
Just so’s you know, in the interest of full disclosure, I’m a Patriots and Jaguars fan. I’ve lived in New England my entire life, which explains the Patriots part, but my FAMILY has lived in Jacksonville for my entire life. My grandfather has had season tickets since the franchise started and I think that entitles me to secondary fanhood representation. That said: Broncos take this one at Mile High.
The Giants are bad. Sorry for the newsflash New York fans. And the Redskins are… LOOKING good. I watched that MNF game last week and I have to say that they didn’t look all that bad. You know, in my opinion. In my opinion of my 6 SOLID years of watching football. Maybe it was McNabb who was so bad that the ’skins LOOKED good in comparison. I don’t know. All I know is: ’skins win! ’skins win!
Wow. Three games this week that have cats playing birds. Has that ever happened before? I think… I think I picked the birds in all three, right? Wait, no, I have the ‘hawks beating the Bengals in Seattle. Well, hey, 2 out of 3 for the Cats, not bad!
I dig cowboys. Aesthetically I mean. I like the whole look. The guns, the boots, the hats, the identity of American Culture. I also like bears. Scary bears, friendly bears, candy bears. But to make this pick I gotta go with the old adage that defense wins football games and Da Bears have the defense in this one. If Good Rex shows up and they can put up a few touchdowns, they should be all set.
It’s the Texas/ USC rematch of the century! Or so I’m told. I didn’t watch that game ’cause I don’t care about college sports. Even when I was playing college sports I didn’t really care that much about them. Ask my coach. When I told him I was quitting the basketball team halfway through the season he said “you make time for the things you love.” And I was like “yeah, you’re right! I love not playing basketball with all these jerks! You just convinced me that quitting is the right thing to do! Thanks, Coach!” Saints are at home and 0-2. There is NO WAY they lose this one. Unless the Titans play better. Then they will most certainly lose.
Where do I begin? At the beginning I suppose.
If you read my initial post about the First Annual Strange Ink Vacation Ivitational. You know that we hired a VERY expensive “professional” photographer to capture the wacky-hilariousness on film for all the world to enjoy. The idea here was that, Bryan, Greg and I would be free from having to work the camera ourselves and thus unleash the true goofy photo-ops that we are known for.
I’ve been waiting to get the photo CD back from the “photographer” and well, I guess you can go ahead and judge the results for yourself.
See, this picture didn’t bother me so much, because we actually DID go to the Budweiser factory. My only complaint, is that, not only are neither Bryan, Greg nor I pictured, but we also didn’t go LAST YEAR!
Ah McCondom’s. Finest Scotch Whisky flavoured condoms! WTF?! If this was on the trip, I SURELY would have noticed it. If there’s one thing I like to make sure that I do for ALL my lady-friends it’s to make sure that my stuff tastes like the FINEST Scotch Whisky. None of that brown bag stuff for me.
Ah yes. A disgustingly muddy Dodge Ram utility van. Possibly something that we sat behind at any one of the hundreds of gas stations that we stopped at. Only… we never went to Canada!
See, what Mr. Adams needs to understand is that we would have LOVED to have gone to the places that he went and seen the things that he saw. When I saw this picture, I couldn’t help but wonder how much fun it would have been to go flying down that slide. To stare into the glossy dead eyes of that gargantuan frog.
It’s not so much that Ansel Adams didn’t capture a single photo of the Strange Ink crew doing anything remotely as interesting as these five gentlemen and their four giant fish. It’s that the trip he was on seemed like it was so much more interesting than the one we were on.
This is what we paid for? And who’s that chick in the passenger seat? We would have LOVED to have chicks on our trip! We asked a bunch and they all said “no! ”
Ok, so, good. He actually got ONE picture from OUR trip.
And this is really a bonus. I didn’t pay for it, but I love it!
Ansel Adams you make a mockery of professional vacation photography.
Well, take it from me, Bryan, Greg and the rest of the Strange Ink crew (pictured) if you decide to take a vacation, find someone a little more reputable than Mr. Ansel Adams. It’s worth the money and it’s worth the time.
Home teams are in bold-italic
Denver over Buffalo
Jacksonville over Tennessee
Washington over Miami
St. Louis over Carolina
New England over New York
Minnesota over Atlanta
Pittsburgh over Cleveland
Green Bay over Philadelphia
Houston over Kansas City
Seattle over Tampa Bay
San Diego over Chicago
Detroit over Oakland
Dallas over New York
San Francisco over Arizona
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