mortal-kombat-vs-dc-universe
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe


This Thanksgiving weekend I was reminded of all the wonderful flavors life has to offer. I was fortunate enough to blessed with 2 complete multi-course meals with 2 days between to rest and recover. It was 4 days (I said I was fortunate) filled with family and friends and no less than 16 different entrees and 19 different dessert options. It was an immersion in the decadent pleasures of the palette, as though I had died and was laid upon a flaming Viking funerary ship made of roast beef, cranberry-apple stuffing and glazed pork chops listing about a sea of thick, rich mushroom gravy.

Regaining consciousness on Monday morning the one taste that really lingered in my mouth was that of sweet, delicious irony.

My sister-in-law is, like myself, a big, big fan of all things science-fiction (and science non-fiction). Over the summer, I visited her in Virginia where she lives with her two adorable heirs and her husband (my brother). While I was there, she picked up on the fact that I was an avid fan of Soul Calibur 4 for the X-Box 360. Maybe it was the 72 hours spent in their office space, slouching in the leather chair trying to unlock every costume customization item and weapon that clued her in, maybe we’re kindred spirits, who can say for sure?

Eager to experience it for herself and knowing that I did not have an X-Box 360, she brought a copy of Midway Games’ new release Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (and an X-Box 360) to the big family get-together at a secluded, rural Maine homestead.

Glancing at the box art featuring Mortal Kombat standards Scorpion, Raiden and Sub-Zero squaring off against DC icons Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman I found that just the title itself bought a smile to my face. A smile spurned by the absolute appreciation of the significance, the irony, the deliciousness of the existence of this game. That someone suggested this game even be made, suggests a sense of humor darker than Gotham City at midnight and about as subtle as a speeding locomotive leaping a tall building in a single bound.

I was a 16-year-old, middle class, white male in 1992. My friends and I were at the core of the demographic that Midway was attempting to tap with the creation of the original Mortal Kombat coin-op arcade game. In a move to counter the dominance of Capcom’s Street Fighter 2, a 2-D fighting game whose graphics were comprised of pixilated, cartoon-style drawings, Midway utilized a technique of green-screened actors allowing for photorealistic representations of their characters. And while this was a successful contrast to Street Fighter 2 in terms of the visual experience of the game, it came with the side-effect of elevating the graphic representation of the violence to a degree that crossed a line which many adults at the time considered to be indecent, at the very least, but potentially pornographic at the very worst.

As the quarters filtered through the slots of arcade cabinets around the country, home videogame console technology reached a point where the potential of bringing the game’s possibly pornographic violence into the suburban, middle class home loomed inevitably in the distance. Ever-ready to protect our children from exposure to animated violence perpetrated by pixelated, science-fiction ninjas, Congress got to work.

Meetings were called to order, investigations were conducted, fingers were shame-inducingly wagged. There was much taking of stands and prancing about the white-columned, tax-payer owned buildings in Washington and state capitals around the country. Ultimately, it was decided that Mortal Kombat and the other violent videogames being produced were negatively influencing the behavior of our nation’s children and that the videogame industry had forced them, through their unwillingness to self-impose ethical standards, to institute an authority to police the medium guaranteeing that no child would grow up to be a lightning-wielding, Japanese god of thunder or a Hollywood actor who went about punching ninjas in the balls while doing the splits.

In 1994, after a 2 year gestation period, the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) was born. This was exactly 40 years after the same Congress forced the implementation of the Comics Code Authority (CCA) to protect our nation’s children from being negatively influenced by the comic book industries unwillingness to self-impose ethical standards guaranteeing that no child would grow up to be a lightning-wielding, Japanese god of thunder or a Hollywood actor who went about punching ninjas in the balls while doing the splits.

In the decade that followed the creation of the CCA, DC Comics and its library of characters expanded and thrived. The Code forced them to engage new readers in ways that weren’t as base and simple as extreme graphic violence and mild to extreme adult situations. Horror, war and crime comics were no longer the bread and butter of the industry. Publishers turned to costumed, escapist, science-fiction, power-fantasies. The Age of Superheroes had begun.

During this period known as the Silver Age of comics, DC introduced the world to updated versions of its most popular characters: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and the Flash. They introduced many of the themes, conventions and concepts that are associated with the superhero genre today. These characters established themselves as the pop culture icons that exist today largely due to the restrictions put in place by the CCA. Their representation as ethical, self-sacrificing crusaders for justice gave them their cross-demographic readership appeal and marketing value.

DC’s characters thrived due to the creativity of the writers and artists who worked within the frequently ridiculous limitations imposed on them by the Comics Code Authority (legend has it that former Editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics, Marv Wolfman, was not allowed to use his name in the credits as it was a violation of the ban on werewolves). Mortal Kombat’s characters helped initiate the congressional hearings that led to the creation of a ratings system designed to limit consumer access to the very games that they were appearing in. DC’s characters evolved into globally recognized icons of American popular culture and ambassadors of freedom, justice and hope for a better tomorrow. Mortal Kombat’s fans frequently complain that the game sucks if the fatalities aren’t gorier than a butcher’s dumpster after a particularly busy Sunday afternoon.

This kind of cross-marketing is nothing new to comics or videogames, fighting games in particular. In 1997 Capcom released a hugely successful cooperative effort in Marvel Super Heroes vs. Street Fighter which teamed up several of the popular characters from its Street Fighter franchise with several of Marvel’s most popular. In 2008 Soul Calibur 4 actually featured characters from the Star Wars universe including Darth Vader and Yoda. This particular crossover, however, is indicative of something more than just an attempt to expand your consumer base or answer the age old “who would win in a fight?” question.

Have you ever seen Kano (he’s a character from Mortal Kombat) shaped pasta noodles at the supermarket? Any Sonya Blade (she’s a character from Mortal Kombat) neckties? How about a line of handbags modeled after the various costumes that Jax (he’s a character from Mortal Kombat) has had over the years? Mortal Kombat characters in and of themselves are not marketable. They exist only to perpetuate a gimmick. They were created for and exist because of the violence in the games they are featured in. When the violence they are associated with is taken away, nothing compelling remains.

For Midway and the creators of Mortal Kombat, the possibility of associating their characters with those of DC must have been received as a gift from God (or Gods, or the mailman, or whatever you believe). Finally, after 16 years of being mired in controversy and concerns over the seduction of the innocent they achieved legitimacy and relevance. DC Comics walks in and hands them 60 years of reputation, parental trust and fan loyalty (not to mention global marketing strength). The Flash himself could not have signed that contract faster.

But why would DC do it? Why would DC gamble with a catalog of characters they spent generations cultivating? Why would they risk the association of their products with the violent, one-trick nature of the Mortal Kombat series? What do they have to gain from it?

Surely they could produce their own fighting game that would succeed without crossing into areas of questionable content. Surely with the strength of Time Warner (their owner) behind them they aren’t looking to outsource videogame development or experiment with their characters in this realm of digital entertainment. In the 16 years since the creation of Mortal Kombat, DC has produced hours of films, cartoons, novels, comics and videogames featuring their characters, why take this step now? Is the Jimmy Palmiotti background story really that good? Is it a symbolic battle between characters society considers to be “Good Guy” characters vs. characters that society considers to be “Bad Guy” characters?

Arguments could be made to support all of these scenarios, but the truth is simpler: they just don’t know what to do with their characters.

The other day I was hanging out in the Justice League cafeteria at the Hall of Justice. As Batman rolled by in his new tumbler-style Batmobile given to him Barry Meyer, Chairman and Chief Executive of Warner Brothers Studios, I overheard Wonder Woman say to Green Lantern: “It’s Batman’s world, we’re all just living in it.”

Since the genre-restructuring release of Tim Burton’s Batman in 1989, DC has been absolutely petrified in their attempts to do anything with the other characters in their library. How do you sell character as hopeful as Superman in a world dominated by a character grim as Batman?

Since 1989, Marvel Comics, DC’s biggest competitor has released 3 “Spider-Man” movies, 3 “X-Men” movies, 3 “Punisher” movies, 2 “Fantastic 4” movies, 3 “Blade” movies, a “Hulk” movie, a remake of the “Hulk” movie, 2 “Daredevil” movies (counting “Elektra”), a “Ghost Rider” movie and an “Iron Man” movie. In the same time, DC has released *7* “Batman” movies (counting “Catwoman”) and 1 “Superman” movie which was inter-galactically panned by critics and audiences alike (I’m assuming they would’ve hated it on Krypton just as much as Earth).

DC has proven that the only thing it can successfully, consistently produce and cash in on outside of their comic books is Batman. They wring their hands and fret about the possibility of their characters not being received like Batman. They don’t have any other characters like Batman. How are they going to continue to survive with just Batman? On the way to the bank to cash all of the big “Batman” checks, a cultural philosophy evolved within the offices of Warner/Brothers and DC Comics which can be boiled down to: “What Would Batman Do?”

Mortal Kombat characters are dark. Their costumes communicate their inherent danger with their bony facemasks, glowing eyeballs and sharp knees. They exist in a world where they have to be prepared to fend for themselves, to fight tooth and nail and uzi just to survive on a daily basis. They would probably feel at home in Gotham city as part of a third-tier gang of thugs out-thought on a monthly basis by Batman. They would be a welcome addition to his rogues gallery and ultimately, Arkham Asylum. As such, when DC received the proposal to cooperate in a videogame with the grimmest, grittiest, most Batman-ish, fighting game characters of the last 16 years, they jumped at the chance. Finally, a way for all of DC’s characters to be on the same level as Batman, surely this is the dawn of the new age of DC’s relevance and legitimacy in the popular culture consciousness!

What it is for DC and for Midway is a failure of character and brand marketing. A last ditch “I don’t know what else to do” response to dwindling interest and sales. Instead of working to create new value with their own characters, they are hoping to be saved by the association with the other brand. By partnering with DC, Midway is forced to remove the one thing that their fans seek most from their product: hyper-violence. By partnering with Midway, DC compromises the integrity of characters they have invested 60 years and billions of dollars into with the “cross-your-fingers” hope that somehow, on the other side, they will be more relevant to an audience that will never even know the game existed.

Never in the history of videogames or comic books has there been a more ironic pairing of two brands by two companies so desperate to find a way to make their characters more relevant in an age where they increasingly find themselves playing catch-up and struggling for new and original ideas than in “Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe.” I hope to one day find the wormhole that was created when they first put Superman and Scorpion (a Mortal Kombat character) on-screen together.

From a strictly game-play standpoint: whatever, it’s a fighting game. Given 72 hours with regular bathroom breaks to master the nuances of the ¼ forward and ¼ backward circle controls and determining the advantages of standing my ground or stepping 3-dimensionally into the background when range-attacked, I’m sure I would like it as much as any fighting game that I have ever played (except for Soul Calibur. I really like that game. A lot).

When I say the whole family was over for Thanksgiving dinner, I mean the whole family was over for Thanksgiving dinner. We were all sitting down after sampling the desert spread and my sister-in-law decided to take this game for a spin. In the back of my mind a conflict raged. On one hand, I knew, this is Mortal Kombat, this is NOT a good idea right now. On the other hand I knew it was DC Comics, it was Superman and Wonder Woman, how bad could it possibly be?

As Liu Kang (a character from Mortal Kombat), I repeatedly punched Superman in the face, but as Dan Larson I winced at the notion that my 58-year-old mother was watching a character who has been around as long as she has do things that she never thought he was capable of doing. As the blood sprayed and the bones were repeatedly, unquestionably, broken in crisp digital surround sound, I thought about the questions that must have been going through her mind regarding the appropriateness of the game at this family get-together, the amount of blood and violence that were being showcased for my entertainment, what kind of sick pleasure I might be deriving from a game like this. As Superman stood defenseless, broken and bloodied by my relentless assault of bicycle kicks and ninja fireballs, the narrator cried out “FINISH HIM!” and my mother, who had watched every second of the bloody contest, smiled and asked, “did you win?”

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Strange NFL Picks: Week 5


Hmmm… it;s late. Looking at the time, it’s 16 minutes until Sunday. I’ll admit I had a big elaborate plan for another creative approach to making my picks this week, but… I’m just going to do them the old fashioned way and pick them outright.

Next week I’ll get back to the other thing.

Texans

Jaguars

Patriots

Giants

Steelers

Cardinals

Lions

Titans

Colts

Broncos

Niners

Packers

and on Monday… Dallas.

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Ronald Reagan’s Corpse encounters Strange Ink.


If you like that headline, you’re going to LOVE this website!

They claim to be the cure for writer’s block, or perhaps the solution to all of your uninspired birthday party theme ideas, or a great way to come up with a name for a fictional character or potted plant, irregardless. It is high-comedy.

Follow this link: http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/RandomParagraph/RandomParagraph.aspx

And be sure to plug in your name and “Ronald Reagan’s corpse” as your two subjects.

Come back and post your favorite result as a comment response to this post!

And remember: “Strange Ink launches Ronald Reagan’s Corpse opposite the sequel. The parade thirsts for the bias. The dentist prefers a humble night past the ballot. Does Ronald Reagan’s Corpse peer around the urgent abstract? Without the gender snacks its capitalist”

I’ll say!

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Strange NFL Picks: Week 4


At some point I’m going to establish some consistency with my formatting of this picks entry. It’s had a different name every week, the layout has been different and the picture structure keeps changing. Not really a big deal, but if you know me, you know I’m a stickler for rigid, disciplined, structured… structure.

So here’s what I did this week: I interpreted each of the teams as a comic book character. Very simple, yes? No. it was not. It was very, very hard in some cases. And for some of them, I downright just gave up and did something that seemed at least somewhat thematically appropriate.

Houston Texans (2-1) @ Atlanta Falcons (0-3)

Houston vs. Atlanta!

Longshot? For the Houston Texans? How does that make any sense? Well, based on their history in the NFL I would say that they are a LONGSHOT to win the Super Bowl this year! Am I right? And of course, the Falcons are Falcon. Even though this game is being played in Atlanta, I can’t pick the Falcons until i see them actually get something done on the field. Longshot beats Falcon.

New York Jets (1-2) @ Buffalo Bills (0-3)

New York vs. Buffalo!

As much as it PAINS me to make the Jets Green Lantern, and the HAL JORDAN Green Lantern at that, it really does make sense. I mean, Hal Jordan was a test pilot for the Air Force. You know, that branch of the military that works primarily with… JETS. Also, his color scheme is the same as theirs. As for the Bills as Daredevil… he has horns. GL smooshes DD.

Baltimore Ravens (2-1) @ Cleveland Browns (1-2)

Baltimore vs. Cleveland!

This one was pretty easy. See, the RAVENS are RAVEN. Right? Easy as pie! And the BROWNS are WOLVERINE (in his brown suit). Wolverine over Raven.

St. Louis Rams (0-3) @ Dallas Cowboys (3-0)

St. Louis @ Dallas!

To my knowledge there is only one ram-headed comic book character in comics and that is Quark. He was featured in the Nocenti/Adams “Longshot” (see Houston Texans) series that introduced the characters to the world way back in the late ’80’s. It’s a perfect marriage of character and team. Just like the Rawhide Kid with the Cowboys. He’s a homoerotic cowboy, they’re homoerotic cowboys… No way the Rams beat the homoerotic Cowboys IN Dallas.

Chicago (1-2) @ Detroit (2-1)

Bears vs. Lions!

Hey! A big orange “bear-like” guy as the Bears! I like it! And Lion-O for the Lions. Too easy! And yes, I realize that Lion-O is TECHNICALLY a cartoon character. Or at least that he WAS before he recently appeared in a series of comic books. Point to me. And that’s what the Lions are going to be saying when they go all “Sword of Omens” on the Bears this Sunday.

Oakland Raiders (1-2) @ Miami Dolphins (0-3)

Oakland vs. Miami!

I can never really figure out what they heck the Raiders logo guy is supposed to be. Is he a pirate? Is he a football player? I mean, “raider” isn’t really telling me much. And if you go by their fans, he might as well be Darth Vader or one of those wrestling guys with the spikes on their shoulders. So, I decided to go with a character that LOOKED like the logo: Nick Fury dressed in Raider colors. It’s a tough call for the win. In a straight fight, I think Aquaman would beat the sea-salt out of Fury. But if they were both able to call on all of the utilities at their disposal, I think I gotta go with Nick. One call to Shield and they would BOMB the fish right out of the water. Or Dolphin Stadium. Whatever.

Green Bay Packers (3-0) @ Minnesota Vikings (1-2)

Green Bay vs. Minnesota!

Green Bay was a difficult choice. To my knowledge there are no superheroes who tout themselves as a Packer or Mover of any kind. I would have even settled for someone that was a mover in their secret identity. But, I wasn’t able to find any. So, and I realize it’s a stretch, I went with Iceman as an embodiment of the Frozen Tunda of Lambeau Field. However, this game isn’t being played at the Frozen Tundra of Mighty Lambeua Field. It’s indoors in Minnesota. Against the God of Thunder. Thor beats Iceman every time.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1) @ Carolina Panthers (2-1)

Tampa Bay vs. Carolina!

I’ve been reading comics for a long time. Growing up I was a Marvel guy because everything DC sucked. I mean, it was all about the X-Men and Spiderman. No one I knew had ever even LOOKED through a Superman comic much less bought one. Ok, there was an occaisional Batman perusal, but that was usually because there was a really good artist who was about to get signed by Marvel anyway. My point is: I don’t know who the hell Deadman is or what he can do. I don’t think I’d ever even seen a picture of him until the Kingdom Come series came out and that was like ‘94 or something. Anyway, I picked Deadman for the Buccaneers because I thought he kinda looked like the skull on the flag in their logo. The Black Panther was an obvious choice. I’m giving the win to the Panther here… ’cause he’s a badass black panther. And not dead.

Seattle Seahawks (2-1) @ San Francisco Forty-Niners (2-1)

Seattle vs. San Fran!

Archangel was pretty much the COOLEST character in the ’90’s other than Spiderman and Wolverine. The only thing that’s changed since then, now that I think of it, is that no one knows who Archangel is anymore. Dr. Fate gets the nod to be the Forty-Niners… because he has a gold helmet. And the prospectors in 1849 were looking for gold helmets. And it was FATE that led them to them. Seahawks win.

Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0) @ Arizona Cardinals (1-2)

Pitts vs. 'zona!

Steel. Steelers. Steel. Steelers. Would you believe me if I said they made a movie out of this guy.? No really! I know, it’s weird, cause you’ve never heard of him and don’t know anything about him. But I swear to you they did! And it starred Shaquille O’Neal. Yes, THAT Shaquille O’Neal. The one that was in “Kazaam.” There’s no hero who would dare name himself something as wussy sounding as “Cardinal” so I went with the super-tough “Robin.” Techincally, it’s Red Robin from “Kingdom Come” so that does make it a little better. His costume was modeled more like Batman’s and less like green short shorts and elf shoes. Shaq-Movie beats Cardinal Man.

Denver Broncos (2-1) @ Indianapolis Colts (3-0)

Horsey fight!

What the hell are these horses doing here? I’ll tell you. They’re both here and being named Comet. One of them is Pre-Crisis Comet and the other is Post-Crisis Comet. I have neither the time nor the patience nor the understanding of Crisis to explain what the differences are to DC continuity all I can tell you is that one IS a horse and one just has some body parts OF a horse. And the one on the right looks like Payton Manning. Colts win.

Kansas City Chiefs (1-2) @ San Diego Chargers (1-2)

KC vs. SD!

There’s only one Native American superhero in comics. Ok, there are two. One of them is pictured here: Warpath. And then other one is pictured below as the Redskins and that’s Thunderbird. I know, they look so totally like the same damn person. But hey, I don’t write the comics. I considered Captain Marvel, the Flash and Electro for the Chargers, they all seemed like natural choices, but in the end, I couldn’t pass on Black Lighting. I mean, c’mon, that picture even look a little like LT. The Pats fan in me wants to say Chiefs, but the football fan in me is pretty sure that the Chargers are going to get back on track with this game and LT is going to put up like 300 yeards mixed between passing, rushing and receiving. And like 4 td’s.

Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) @ New York Giants (1-2)

Philly vs. New York!

TECHNICALLY Hawk-God is pictured here. But he’s as good an eagle themed character as my limited attention span could come up with. Giant-Man was one of the more obvious choices. This battle goes to the Giants.

New England Patriots (3-0) @ Cincinnatti Bengals (1-2)

Bad kitty!

I considered Super-Patriot, Superman and all of the various and sundry patriotic themed characters out there (except Wonder Woman) but in the end Cap really fit the bill the best. The shield representing the Pats suffocating “D,” the fact that Brady could probably pass for Steve Rogers if they made a movie and the fact that Cap is pretty much my favorite comic book character (even though he is TECHNICALLY dead right now). And Tigra, (although I did consider TYGRA from the Thundercats) well… she’s a chick with tiger-stripes. Just like Carson Palmer. Pats take this one easily.

And the byes go to:

Good bye week!

The Redeemer (Saints), Titania (Titans), Thunderbird (Redskins) and Cheetara (Jaguars).
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Strange Ink NFL Picks Week 3


Well, I was away last week so we didn’t do picks, but trust me, I would have picked all the teams that won, so you didn’t really miss anything. Keep in mind that we aren’t gamblers here so all of these picks are straight up. No spreads are taken into consideration.

This week we’re going with an artsy theme. Enjoy!

Birds vs. Birds!

Ravens are at home, but there seem to be a lot of questions about the QB situation. Cardinals are taking this one on the road.

Bolts vs. Cheeseheads!

Packers have been playing over their heads for the last two weeks. Chargers were EMBARRASSED last week by the Patriots. I’m pretty sure you’re going to see LT run, pass and recieve for the duration of the first 3 quarters. Chargers humble the Packers in Lambeau.

Sheep vs. Pirates!

Rams are looking bad. Just plain bad. Buccaneers have looked the opposite of bad. Well, maybe not the EXACT opposite of bad, but good enough to take the Rams. Especially at home. And look at the buccaneer in the picture, he’s so confident!

Niners vs. 5-Timers

I like these two pictures. The Niners pic features a great portrait of an old prospector or “Nineteen forty-niner” and the Steelers picture has a shot of a dude squeezing molten steel into I-Beams. What’s not to like? The Niners on the road against the Steelers that’s what. Steelers take this one to go 3-0.

Cats vs. Birds!

Cats vs. birds, eh? Well, my money’s on the cats. Not that I’m gambling or anything. Like I said, this is an honest establishment. We’re merely here to talk about art and the circle of life. And how a lion could beat an eagle in a fight.

Fish vs. Airplanes!

I think the dolphins need to change their mascot. I mean, a dolphin is, pardon my french, kind of pussy. When I was looking for pictures to use for this blog I couldn’t find a single picture of an angry dolphin. Or a tough looking dolphin. They need something that inspires a little more fear in the opposing team. Just like thier mascot, the team doesn’t put up much of a fight. While I don’t like the Jets in and of themselves, I like ‘em better than the Dolphins. Especially in New York. Or New Jersey. Or wherever they play.

Minutemen vs. Minutesteaks!

I promise you it is just a coincidence that this image looks like the minuteman is about to put a bullet through the head of ol’ Billy the Buffalo Bill there. But seriously, do the Bills even have a SHOT at this game? The answer is “yes.” The Bills are an excellent football team over there. They are all professionals who are at the top of their game. They’re coming into this game prepared and ready to win. So the Patriots are making sure that they are prepared as well. They’ve got a lot of things that they need to work on to get better. They aren’t playing perfect football right now. They need to practice and they need to get better. So I’m picking the Pats to just barely eek this one out. In a squeaker.

Thunder God vs. Rain Dancers!

Vikings are having quarterback issues… but man, that’s a pretty bad ass picture of a viking. I mean, that Chief is just sitting there and, that viking’s got a huge dragon behind him. He looks like he’s about to wreck some serious shit. I can’t in good concience say no to that Viking.

Cu that meat!

Wow. I’m sure the game is going to be more interesting than this image. ’cause this image is BORING. Buncha cows standin’ around. Buncha horses standin’ around. Texans are getting better, but the Colts are gonna roll ‘em.

Cats vs. Birds 2!

I don’t really know that much about either of these teams. The best analysis I can give you is… I just have a feeling that the Seahawks are going to win this one. Plus, I always give an edge to the home team if I don’t know who to pick. Plus the Bengals have to travel. To Seattle.

Yarr!

Hmmm. I don’t know what that sploth of Rothko looks like on your monitor, but I swear to gawd it looks brown on mine. Is it supposed to be brown? I don’t know. But when I searched for brown, that’s what came up. Good enough for me. In the end, that Raider picture is BAD ASS. And the Raiders are at home. Bad Ass kicks the crap out of should-be-brown.

Cats vs. Horses!

Just so’s you know, in the interest of full disclosure, I’m a Patriots and Jaguars fan. I’ve lived in New England my entire life, which explains the Patriots part, but my FAMILY has lived in Jacksonville for my entire life. My grandfather has had season tickets since the franchise started and I think that entitles me to secondary fanhood representation. That said: Broncos take this one at Mile High.

Elisha!

The Giants are bad. Sorry for the newsflash New York fans. And the Redskins are… LOOKING good. I watched that MNF game last week and I have to say that they didn’t look all that bad. You know, in my opinion. In my opinion of my 6 SOLID years of watching football. Maybe it was McNabb who was so bad that the ’skins LOOKED good in comparison. I don’t know. All I know is: ’skins win! ’skins win!

Cats vs. Birds 3!

Wow. Three games this week that have cats playing birds. Has that ever happened before? I think… I think I picked the birds in all three, right? Wait, no, I have the ‘hawks beating the Bengals in Seattle. Well, hey, 2 out of 3 for the Cats, not bad!

Romo vs. Rex!

I dig cowboys. Aesthetically I mean. I like the whole look. The guns, the boots, the hats, the identity of American Culture. I also like bears. Scary bears, friendly bears, candy bears. But to make this pick I gotta go with the old adage that defense wins football games and Da Bears have the defense in this one. If Good Rex shows up and they can put up a few touchdowns, they should be all set.

Young vs. Bush!

It’s the Texas/ USC rematch of the century! Or so I’m told. I didn’t watch that game ’cause I don’t care about college sports. Even when I was playing college sports I didn’t really care that much about them. Ask my coach. When I told him I was quitting the basketball team halfway through the season he said “you make time for the things you love.” And I was like “yeah, you’re right! I love not playing basketball with all these jerks! You just convinced me that quitting is the right thing to do! Thanks, Coach!” Saints are at home and 0-2. There is NO WAY they lose this one. Unless the Titans play better. Then they will most certainly lose.

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strange-vacation-pictures-or-do-not-hire-ansel-adams
“Strange Vacation Pictures” or “DO NOT HIRE ANSEL ADAMS!”


Where do I begin? At the beginning I suppose.

If you read my initial post about the First Annual Strange Ink Vacation Ivitational. You know that we hired a VERY expensive “professional” photographer to capture the wacky-hilariousness on film for all the world to enjoy. The idea here was that, Bryan, Greg and I would be free from having to work the camera ourselves and thus unleash the true goofy photo-ops that we are known for.

I’ve been waiting to get the photo CD back from the “photographer” and well, I guess you can go ahead and judge the results for yourself.
Booze House

See, this picture didn’t bother me so much, because we actually DID go to the Budweiser factory. My only complaint, is that, not only are neither Bryan, Greg nor I pictured, but we also didn’t go LAST YEAR!

Billions Served

Ah McCondom’s. Finest Scotch Whisky flavoured condoms! WTF?! If this was on the trip, I SURELY would have noticed it. If there’s one thing I like to make sure that I do for ALL my lady-friends it’s to make sure that my stuff tastes like the FINEST Scotch Whisky. None of that brown bag stuff for me.

Mudflaps

Ah yes. A disgustingly muddy Dodge Ram utility van. Possibly something that we sat behind at any one of the hundreds of gas stations that we stopped at. Only… we never went to Canada!

Oral Slide

See, what Mr. Adams needs to understand is that we would have LOVED to have gone to the places that he went and seen the things that he saw. When I saw this picture, I couldn’t help but wonder how much fun it would have been to go flying down that slide. To stare into the glossy dead eyes of that gargantuan frog.

Big FIsh

It’s not so much that Ansel Adams didn’t capture a single photo of the Strange Ink crew doing anything remotely as interesting as these five gentlemen and their four giant fish. It’s that the trip he was on seemed like it was so much more interesting than the one we were on.

Beef Passing Lane

This is what we paid for? And who’s that chick in the passenger seat? We would have LOVED to have chicks on our trip! We asked a bunch and they all said “no! ”

Hugh Junderpantz

Ok, so, good. He actually got ONE picture from OUR trip.

Bathound

And this is really a bonus. I didn’t pay for it, but I love it!

Huge breasts!

Ansel Adams you make a mockery of professional vacation photography.

The Inlaws

Well, take it from me, Bryan, Greg and the rest of the Strange Ink crew (pictured) if you decide to take a vacation, find someone a little more reputable than Mr. Ansel Adams. It’s worth the money and it’s worth the time.

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nfl-week-1-pics-continued
NFL Week 1 Pics Continued


Home teams are in bold-italic

Denver over Buffalo

Broncos @ Bills

Jacksonville over Tennessee

Titans @ Jaguars

Washington over Miami

Dolphins @ Redskins

St. Louis over Carolina

Panthers @ Rams

New England over New York

Patriots @ Jets

Minnesota over Atlanta

Falcons @ Vikings

Pittsburgh over Cleveland

Steelers @ Browns

Green Bay over Philadelphia

Eagles @ Packers

Houston over Kansas City

Chiefs @ Texans

Seattle over Tampa Bay

Buccaneers @ Seahawks

San Diego over Chicago

Bears @ Chargers

Detroit over Oakland

Lions @ Raiders

Dallas over New York

Giants @ Cowboys

San Francisco over Arizona

Cardinals @ '49ers

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nfl-2007-season-kickoff
NFL 2007 Season Kickoff!


While you won’t see us in the fancier sports bars around town (we’re more of an Applebee’s crowd) Strange Ink International, Inc. digs us some organized professional sports. From Baseball to the World Beard and Moustache Championship we’ll be there with our fantasy teams in hand ready to one-up the competition and take our fandom to the next level.

Today is the start of the 2007 National Football League season and I just wanted to take a moment to start registering our picks officially. Tonight kickoff will see the 2006 Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts take on the feel-good story of 2006 New Orleans Saints. While the ad campaign leading up to this game has featured Reggie Bush and Peyton Manning trying to out do each other not on the field but with their practical joke skillz, I feel like this is going to be a much more one-sided battle on the field. Peyton finally got the monkey off his back last year with the championship and started looking at properties in Johnny Unitasburg instead of Dan Marinoville. I feel like the Colts will have all the momentum in this one, especialy since it’s at home and ESPECIALLY especially since it is the first official defense of the Lombardi trophy.

That said, our first pick of the 2007 NFL season is:

Indianapolis Colts

Not Krypto the Super-Horse

OVER

New Orleans Saints

March!

Speak for yourself. I’m going with the Saints! -greg

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back-from-vacation
Back from vacation!


 Wow! What a summer!

 For those of you that are regular visitors to the world of strangeink, let me say “thank you!” For those of you who are not, let me say “Go to Hell!” For everyone in earshot let me say: we’re back from vacation and we had a really great time. We lived, we learned, we loved, we rode rollercoasters, we threw up, we posted things on ebay, we played whiffleball, we made hotdogs… it was a VERY full summer. And the best part about it is we hired a professional photographer to follow us around the entire time and document the whole thing!

 G and B and I have been planning this vacation since very early in the year. It’s pretty much the only thing we’ve talked about since we came up with the idea. I won’t lie, it wasn’t cheap. The trip or hiring the photographer. I mean, there’s the cost of his TIME but, apparently film for a digital camera isn’t cheap (or so he tells me).

 But we knew that this was a once in a lifetime type of vacation, just look at the itinerary:

 The Map to Fun!

 So we spared no expense, put down the big dollars and hired the first photographer that was listed in our friends on our MySpace page. His credentials are impeccable. But don’t take MY word for it, here’s a link to this really cool photo portfolio hosting website where he shows his work:

http://www.anseladams.com/ansel-adams-photography.html

 It’s crazy, I mean, I’ve seen this guy’s work before. The Burger King in the town where I grew up had his stuff all over the walls in the dining area. I was shocked that we were able to land this guy. He was the consummate professional, too and I can’t recommend his services enough if you’re considering hiring someone to shoot an event for you. Most of the time, we never even knew he was there. It’s like they say in the movies “the best special effects, are the ones that you don’t even notice.”

 Anyway, I’m really excited about this and we’re all just happy to be back and refreshed and ready for another year of selling our hopes and dreams. Or your hopes and dreams. Or whatever the hell our motto is.

 Make sure you check back this week. I’m supposed to be getting the CD from the photographer any day now. He said it was going to take a few days to get the flashdrive developed. Whatever that means. *I’m* not the expensive professional photographer.

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strange-ink-year-one
Strange Ink: Year One


About 14 months ago, Dan called me at work and said that I should secure that domain we had been talking about. That it might not be a bad idea to give this a shot. The three of us had been amusing each other with designs and jokes and in May of 2006 we made the decision to take them to the people.

Over the next few months we designed the site, decided on categories and populated them and worked on tons of designs that never saw the light of day. We learned how to install and operate a forum. We learned how to use blog software, learned a little about perl and learned a ton about HTML. We’d never done anything like this before, but were confident it would work.

I think, so far, it has worked. It has been tough at times to slowly build a base and to make the mistakes we’ve made that we feel set us back, but that’s the way it is. We’ve sold hundreds of shirts to people all over the world. We’ve sold shirts to Hong Kong, Norway, Great Britain and Australia. We’ve sold to Russia, the Netherlands and 49 of 50 states (sorry Hawaii). We’ve met and talked with some great people and we’ve learned a lot.

Also, in the last year, the 3 of us have had 6 total jobs, I’ve bought around 250 DVD’s, the St. Louis Cardinals won the World Series and the Indianapolis Colts won the Super Bowl. 128 million people were born and 58 million people died. Of those 58 million, 3 million died of AIDS and 380,000 of those were children. We’ve added 126 designs since we opened and took down 78. We’ve had 53 blog posts (counting this one) and we’ve laughed at each other…a lot.

So I just wanted to say thanks (in no particular order) to Bryan, Dan, Melissa, Teresa (for the pictures), Elyssa, Kate, Mark the Attorney (for scaring the crap out of us), Tricia @ NBC, Tom Briggs (our first sale), the Guys at Double Midnight Comics, Ben, everyone that’s ever stopped by the site and anyone else I forgot (sorry).

We’ve got some big plans for the next year, here’s hoping you all keep checking us out.

thanks.jpg
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